I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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