Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize