At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
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