i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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