Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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