I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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