In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
