How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
