You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
