Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
