I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
