Christians are straight up FREAKS
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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