I can't watch pbs sober anymore
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
