in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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