I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
