I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
