Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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