You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I would ride that face into the sunset
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
