All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
