wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
