i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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