I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
she peed on how many people?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
