fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
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its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
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Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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