I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
