we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
