I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
