remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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