I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
