Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize