Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
