Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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