Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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