my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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