She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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