walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
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At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
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C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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