On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
