Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
