I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I fill condoms, not promises.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
