Grow some girl-balls and come out already
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
