grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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