Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
