matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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