You just made me feel so damn special
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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