so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Randomize
