im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
