$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
