Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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