smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
birth control should be required to get into college
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You pole danced in your parka.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
