I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
farters have to be the big spoon...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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