i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
