We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Randomize
