community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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