haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
