he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
