My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
