I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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