Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
