I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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