the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
