And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!