plz talk dirty to me
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.