I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
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...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
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So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.