Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
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God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
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Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are