i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
she peed on how many people?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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