I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
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