I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
