i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
