She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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