Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
