I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
