I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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