A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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