just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
