he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
