so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
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But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
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You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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