I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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