i think i have herpe
just one?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
