Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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