I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
