Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
