I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
