oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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