she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
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so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
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Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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