i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
