I think I died a long time ago.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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