i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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