i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
