Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He passed out mid-signature
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
3pm strippers are depressing
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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