Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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